I am attempting to do something new every day in a challenge to motivate myself through lockdown 3.0.
I have attempted to pick up and play with new languages over the course of the last few weeks. Today, I decided to jazz things up a bit. Instead of learning the usual niceties like ‘hello’ and ‘how are you’, I opted for the spicy route. I can now curse in five new languages – Russian, Swedish, Portuguese, German and Cuban Spanish, courtesy of these guys. Technically I already knew how to curse in German – I mean who doesn’t know ‘scheisse’? – but today I delved a little deeper. This is what I discovered:
Swedish – the Maidens of the North are very modest in their profanity. Apparently most of the time they exclaim “fan” which means devil or ‘helvete’ which means hell. There are expletives about genitalia but it’s generally seen as “too much”.
Russian – I just love “byats”. It’s my second favourite alternative to “f*ck”. Feck is the best alternative, obviously.
Spanish – When asked for a clean curse, the lady said that she “cared three cucumbers”, which means she didn’t give a damn. It seemed innocent enough and highly inventive until it was explained that the cucumbers are phallic in meaning.
German – I used to work with Germans which I absolutely loved. They are direct, straight forward, incredibly specific and obsessed with efficiency. Their range of profanities reflects that. If someone is an idiot, he is described as a “full idiot”. I love the specificity of it, you know, so no one is confused and thinks that the guy may be a half idiot. Nope he’s a full one.
Portuguese – these guys love to curse. ‘Foda-se’ (the eff word), is like the indefinite article to them. They also throw random English words into some of their curses – like when telling someone they are an “ar*ehole”, they’ll add the word “street” to the insult.
And the bonus point goes to Sweden for their idiom “the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead”, which means that there is nothing happening upstairs (person is a wee bit thick).
So that was fun!
Yesterday I noticed while dressing my daughter that she had the same pair of jeans as I did. Mine are unmistakably larger. So I said to her “will I wear my jeans too sweetheart?” She jumped up and down happily, which is her stock response to everything. I promptly put them on. In my maternal naivety, I thought this dual-dressing might inspire a major bonding moment between us. However she just ran off to the kitchen and that was the end of it. It was never mentioned again for the whole day. No wonder I haven’t been bothered doing these things before. It’s just not the way we are wired.
On Saturday I completed a fairly intense, full-on yoga session with a buddy. It lasted over 90 minutes. Ok, so technically this is not something new. Before babies, I attended a class that regularly ran to almost two and half hours however I haven’t been able to spend that long at yoga – either because of the required time or more likely due to my body’s physical decay after babies – in six years. The only reason I could manage it on Saturday is due to all those early morning sun salutations I’ve been undergoing as part of this resolution regime. It is absolutely amazing how doing something very small every day for a stupid length of time (three months), actually builds phenomenal strength and well being. I am still aching from Saturday but also still insanely proud. Way to go me!
My daughter’s birthday is on Wednesday. That means that I will be fairly tipsy for a good portion of the afternoon. It is therefore unlikely that I will manage anything new, unless I invent my own cocktail. So this could be the last “Something New”.
However, it feels wrong to finish this scheme of mine on day 57 or day 58. So maybe I will push this to the weekend. It’s Easter weekend and I plan to imbibe alcohol for the weekend so I’m just warning you that whatever, if anything, I produce over the next few days, it may not be coherent but it could be funny.
I am attempting to complete 7 resolutions over 6 days for 5 weeks:
- Continued embargo on crisps, fancy cheese and booze (except those used in cooking)
- Meditate for ten minutes
- Go for a run or a walk
- Do something new – I’ve never done before.
- Clean the kitchen every evening
- Do at least 5 sun salutations every morning
- No eating after 7pm (except Friday & Saturday)